The Debt That Plagues Us

I have been struggling - no drowning is more accurate - in debt for the past decade, or so it feels like a decade. A sick dog here, a broken down car there, that pizza back in 1998...I am still paying for all of it. In today's economy, I am paying an even higher price considering that APR continues to climb and minimum payments are on the rise. We are on the verge of a credit crisis and I am on the verge of a financial stress meltdown---my situation is not Madoff worthy, but in my little world it may as well be!

I am trying to stay positive because when I stress about money, oddly enough I care less about money, so I spend haphazardly and we all know that $5 here and $10 there ends up being a tremendous mound of debt if not manged properly. I have let go of the hopeless dreams that I will win the lottery - because - let's be honest, chances are I would just charge the lotto tickets if I could.

Debt consumes much of my thoughts during the day. I write budgets down, I try to create a math formula to manipulate the numbers trying desperately to find some feasible way to pay off all my debt before Easter. And every time, I come up with nothing. Because fact separated from fiction, my only choice is to stop the madness of debt and go about it the old fashioned way (contrary to popular belief - that isn't marrying into money).

Here is what I know about paying off debt:

1. Pay more than the minimum balance owed - if you only pay the minimum you end up paying the debt for the rest of your life and when all is said and done you paid the same amount of money that it costs to buy a small island in Fiji.

2. Try to get them to lower your APR - This process is scarier than calling that special stranger you met in the bar last weekend. You sit there with a script in front of you, you practice your lines out loud before making the call and no matter what it always ends up being an awkward conversation. But in the end it's worth it and can have great benefits...translation-it can potentially save you money.

3. Pay off the lowest debt first if possible - so you can eventually pay a lump sum to just one card - contrary to the popular belief that the best way is to pay off the one with the highest interest rate.

4. STOP using the cards - If I followed #4, there would be no blog post about this matter.

5. Try to hold onto sanity - If I was sane there would be no blog post about this matter.

And the most important lesson I have learned is---

NO matter how much money you make it is never enough - I keep thinking that if I just made $20,000 more a year I would be just fine...case and point - I started saying that minus $40,000 ago and I am still saying it. UNLESS you manage your finances and stick to a budget and don't use credit cards to buy things you can't afford, then all the money in the world will NEVER be enough!

I don't have a closet full of expensive clothes or designer purses, but that is no excuse - - even worse - - it's a terrible excuse because all that means is I have nothing to show for my debt but debt itself. The debt has outlasted whatever I have spent it on. Minus my doggy Jack, his health is a big ole' chunk of my debt and he is still alive and well.

What I vow to do:

1- Stop charging - this means no more acupuncture treatments - - which is sad for me because they were really starting to help. It means no more charging that $20 top that I should just wait for the next pay period to go out and buy with cash. It means that when I am broke I am broke and credit can't help sustain me until the next paycheck.

2 - Let go of the dream that I can strip for 2 months to pay it all off because - let's be honest - I am too uncoordinated to walk in Lucite stilettos and black lights are too unforgiving on pale skin. My stripper pole opportunity ship has sailed long ago.

3 - Consider all options - This time I will go beyond consideration of selling my eggs, liver, spleen or kidneys. Body parts aside, there are other areas of spending I can cut. For example, I no longer visit Starbucks daily which has saved me $80 a month - when I first considered it though I was more convinced I could live without my liver than I could without my Starbucks.

4 - Repeat steps 1-3 until all the debt is gone.

I have no idea when I will get to the bottom of my debt but I know there is a bottom and I know I will get there...maybe not by Easter but someday!

Videos That Make Me Smile

The endless Charlie-ism's.

It could have been worse, at least he didn't reenact the volleyball scene.

After all these years and still that stupid wink.

And another Charlie moment....sometimes it's like Paul and Charie have their own special language.

Thanks But No Thanks for the Memories?

There is a story in today's news about a new pill being tested by the Dutch that will erase painful memories or to frame it more accurately, it will block the unfortunate emotions tied to the event. The painful memories we have would essentially be replaced by feelings of numbness, happiness or even euphoria. The drug is being developed by the University of Amsterdam and is known as Propranolol, many may be familair with the liquid form of this drug...alcohol. I joke.
But seriously people, I have to wonder where we are headed as a "modern society". We live in a society that is more detached than it has ever been. Customer service is mostly automated, people text instead of calling each other, we learn how and what our friends are doing by reading their Facebook status'. Children spend hours on the computer, we watch countless hours of television. Even I am guilty of watching so many movies that sometimes I can't decipher fact from fiction. So to me, a pill that will make us more detached from the events that are happening in our lives makes me uneasy. Isn't part of living...learning? And without living through emotions, without experiencing pain tied to certain experiences aren't we robbing ourselves of valuable life lessons? They say this pill won't erase the memory of the event but it will make you essentially numb to the bad feelings that the memory brings. I realize this pill could be very useful for treating symptoms of PTSD, however I think there always needs to be a great amount of caution when using any drug to numb feelings, no matter how severe. By drugging a symptom you are truly just masking the cause and not fixing a thing.

Personally, I'm not sure I would take a pill that would erase my emotions. First, I have seen Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and given I learn most of my life lessons in a dark theatre, I know how this one ends! I also know there is a lot of wisdom to be found in pain. Because of the pain I have lived through, I know what I want out of relationships, I know what I will and won't put up with, I have learned the importance of telling those you love how you feel about them as often as possible, because I know what the pain of not doing so brings. I know the pain of being seen as ugly and as a result I have a much better understanding of beauty. So, although I've lived through some painful moments, as everyone has, I am with Bob Hope in saying, "thanks for the memories". While this may be a drug for some people, I say thanks but no thanks, that's too tough a pill for me to swallow!

Another Day Up North

Now the story goes....the buffalo on the wall of this random breakfast place, somewhere between Morgan Hill and Half Moon Bay, actually talks. However when we were watching him he didn't utter a word. I am thinking he was probably worried about dropping his bow.

Oktoberfest - It's German for Drunk

The law can no longer keep their love apart...

Prom circa 1994

Spillage 

Grrr is that a bear skin jacket you're wearing?  Everyone has the right to bear arms.

Kelly and Niccole

The universal sign for truck driver honk your horn

Who bites their lip to do the chicken dance?

Weak chins

Cockroach Stompers

I was packing last night to get a jump start in my move back to Orange County. It was a great weekend and I was feeling productive and excited about getting things in order for my move. I wasn't more than 10 minutes into digging through my hallway closet when out came the largest, hairiest, scariest cockroach I have ever seen (which isn't saying much since I have only seen maybe 5 cockroaches in my time). This hairy crusty thing ran out and then ran quickly back into the closet. I am not sure if cockroaches have ears but I think my screaming had something to do with his retreat back into the darkness.

I called my boyfriend, Paul (I am sure that he will be happy that the first time I decide to publicly declare him my boyfriend and transition him from virtual anonymity is through a story about a cockroach) I made him stay on the phone with me as I desperately weighed my options of what to do with the roach offender.

Obviously my first move was to go into my bedroom closet to put on a pair of boots to keep a safe distance between my bare toes and that fuckers erratic antennae. I then put Paul on speaker phone (I am fast forwarding past the part where I asked him a few times to drive for an hour over to my house to take care of this for me--in hindsight I realize I didn't actually cry which I should have done...maybe then he would have come). There was a lot of screaming involved as I moved the chair in the closet and the cockroach bolted towards me. I took the black heel in my hand and tried my best to smash him. I am not sure if it was because I had my eyes closed or if the roach was so large that he managed to lift my shoe off of him but it took me three hits to finally make contact. When the madness commenced I realized I was out of breath, shaking and sweaty. My throat was also a little sore from screaming.

I am not proud of the fact that I was so terrified, nor am I proud of the fact that I have cockroaches (let's be honest what are the chances that's the only one?). My apartment which I once considered to be kept fairly clean and orderly has now transformed to the most disgusting filthy feeling place on earth.

Once I gained my composure I thought I would commemorate this experience and pay tribute to the fallen roach on my blog...maybe it is strange but I don't think anyone should face a tragedy alone - - so I am making lemonade out of a roach which in some countries is quite the delicacy.
What I have learned from my cockroach experience:

• I am a girl. I pride myself on being independent, self sufficient and pretty brave. This experience has taught me that I am a huge girl..girly girly girl. After I finish this blog I am on my way to go on a shopping spree to buy an entire wardrobe of pink and wear a tiara.

• I wouldn't last past the second round of Fear Factor. I could do the scary daredevil round but when it came to the eating bugs, sitting in bugs letting bugs crawl all over you portion of the show...I would have to fold and go home.

• I am terrified of cockroaches. I thought I was only really scared of insects with necks like praying mantis', grasshoppers and crickets. But cockroaches don't have necks but still manage to scare the living crap out of me.

• When I get married screw the for richer or poorer, sickness and health vows...my marriage will require a strict, "my husband must kill any insects, rodents, and any other creepy crawly thing that comes along" policy (Although this is a gross overstatement it doesn't change the fact that I am considering picking out a mail order husband from Moscow).

And because I believe in the power of the interweb in all it's glory I googled cockroaches and found some very fun cockroach facts that I thought I would share with you:

Interesting and Disgusting Cockroach Facts

• Number of legs on a cockroach 18
• Number of knees on most cockroaches
• 40-- Number of minutes cockroaches can hold their breath
• 75 -- Percentage of time that cockroaches spend just resting
• Some female cockroaches mate once and are pregnant for the rest of their lives
• Better Check Those Cracks in the Wall Young cockroaches need only a crack as thin as a dime to crawl into.
• Adult males can squeeze into a space of 1.6mm or the thickness of a quarter.
• Cockroaches can run up to three miles in an hour. (I will attest to this fact since when I missed the cockroach the first 2 times with my shoe I was convinced he was running towards me at a dead sprint.
• And the most concerning fact of them all...Cockroaches can live for up to 3 hours WITHOUT THEIR HEAD!