Happy Horse Day...NEIGHHHHH

Every birthday and Christmas I only ask people to get me one thing...a horse. And sadly I have made it 31 years sans horse. This year even though the losing streak still remains I did have a horse themed birthday. First, my brother got me a really pretty painting of a horse for my house and second I spent some time with my mom, Tony and Paul in Half Moon Bay horseback riding. I still don't have my horsey but this year was the closest I have ever gotten!

Fore! It's Golf Day

WARNING!

Click on this link only if you have hours on end to waste and nothing important to tend to because I PROMISE YOU this much you will be unable to tear your eyes from the screen!!!

http://cdn1.ustream.tv/swf/4/viewer.45.swf?cid=317016

Unprotected Sketch

Last Night

Just to reiterate my strange dream tendencies...I had one last night that was concerning. The dream started quite nicely. I was under water in the ocean watching sea cows eat and swim. The difference with these sea cows compared to real life sea cows is that these cows had feet, as in they were actually shaped like cows and walking on the ocean floor. Just as they are in real life they were adorable. I was talking to my brother (he was there swimming with me in my dream) and remarking at how adorable these sea cows were. Seconds later a huge fierce lion came out and began attacking the sea cows--this ended the nice portion of the dream. The lion was trying to eat them and I screamed in horror...I wanted to protect the sea cows but the lion had them pinned against some coral. Mind you, this is all still taking place completely under water. Then out of nowhere comes a herd of zebras that begin to attack the lion. Five or six zebras jump on top of the lion and then begin to tear him apart. Thankfully before the fierce zebras did any further damage to my psyche I woke up.

So this morning I logged on to the dream deciphering website and according to them here is what I could piece together about my strange dream:

Ocean: To see an ocean in your dream, represents the state of your emotions and feelings. It is indicative of some spiritual refreshment, tranquillity and renewal.

Lions: To see a lion in your dream, symbolizes great strength, aggression and power. You will overcome your emotions and/or difficulties. As king of the jungle, the lion also represents royalty, leadership, pride and dominion. You have much influence over others. You may also need to exercise restraint in your own personal and social life. To dream that you are attacked by a lion, indicates that you have many obstacles to overcome. You must resist the force that is driving you to self-destruction.

There was however no listing about what it means to have the lions torn apart. So I compromised and looked up violence.

Violence: To see violence in your dream, indicates unexpressed anger or rage. You need more discipline in your life. The dream may also reflect repressed memories of child abuse.

Zebra: To see a zebra in your dream, represents perfect balance, unity, harmony, and the attraction of opposites. Alternatively, it signifies that you are spending too much time in trivial and varying matters you need to establish a mindset and lay your groundwork for some solid stability.

There was no listing for a manatee or a sea cow so I just picked cow.

Cow: To see a cow in your dream, signifies your obedience to authority without question. It symbolizes your passive and docile nature. Alternatively, it represents maternal instincts or the desire to be cared for. For some cultures, the cow represents divine qualities of fertility, nourishment and motherhood. To see a herd of cows, indicates your need to belong.

Given all of this here is what I think my dream means:
I am at a time of change in my life and I desire to be cared for, however I am driving myself towards self-destruction and standing in my own way of what I am working towards. (hmmmm, this is good stuff!) BUT then enter the zebras...my self imposed obstacles can be overcome by stopping myself from obsessing over things that don't matter and working towards a mindset of stability and solid ground.

After interpretation my dream makes a lot more sense to me and is actually quite relevant. Maybe there is something behind our dreams after all.

Dreams

I have freaky dreams. They are always vivid and sometimes leave me feeling foggy and unsorted when I wake up. Last week I had a dream that there was a twig growing out of the center of my head. When I called to ask my mom if she remembered me getting hurt when I was little, or something that would account for a twig growing out of my head she replied, "oh yeah, when you were 5 you fell out of a tree, that must be what it is from." I woke up in the middle of the night and felt my scalp to see if it was indeed a dream - - obviously... it was. That same night I went back to sleep only to dream that my boyfriend's mom was Vanna White and he said she was a very private person and didn't like him to tell people about her or introduce them to her. Now I am not an expert in dream interpretation but I am sure there is some deeper meaning to these dreams beyond the fact that I am weird.

As a kid I always had terrible scary dreams. I would dream I was dying, being chased, losing my teeth, struggling to put contact lenses the size of plates into my eyes. All strange dreams and all very vivid. Recently I have dreams about spiders, swimming in a lake with alligators and the always popular trying to run but unable to stand up. I have now found a website that is dedicated to the interpretation of dreams and will help me to decipher what my subconscious is trying to tell me...beyond that I need a much less active imagination.

http://www.brilliantdreams.com/dream-dictionary/dream-dictionary-c.htm

Unprotected Sketch

none of us were in love with the scenes from Sunday's show but here is one just because.

An Old Entry

A few months ago, when I embarked upon Internet dating I started a separate blog to track my dates and go through somewhat of a virtual therapy session for it. I made a separate blog because I had a few reservations about the judgement that would be passed for my new venture. Internet dating has a lot of stigma tied to it and although many people are using as a way to meet people these days it still seems to have a little negativity tied to it.

Here is my entry from a few months ago as I began my Internet journey...at the time I had no idea that a great guy was just a few torturous dates away.

The couch is getting unbearable. I bought it from IKEA a few weeks ago. I thought that after a few days of breaking in it would be tolerable to sleep on. But each night I find myself tossing and turning counting the minutes until daybreak, wondering if I should move to the floor instead of fighting the small width of the couch. I have learned to tolerate the incessant pain in my lower back that only someone who couch sleeps can understand. My sleeping arrangement has turned into somewhat of a joke among my friends, because really, if you take it too seriously it is somewhat pathetic.

It has been over a month now since I came home that Sunday to find my entire house empty. My asshole boyfriend of one year, the boyfriend who wanted to move in together in the first place, had spent the 4 hours I was away from the house moving everything out of our place. We had been fighting for some time and I had already mentally set December as the month I was going to end it if things hadn't turned around...but I didn't expect it to turn out like that. I was thinking of a more civil breakup...maybe one that started with, "we're just not right for each other" and maybe ended with something different than leaving the other person with no bed to sleep in, no couch to sit on and only an empty apartment filled with the stench of regret. When I left that morning I told him to tell me what his plan was after he told me we should go our separate ways. Had I of known that his secret plan consisted of renting a U-Haul the minute I drove away, so that he could sneak away with no responsibility or respect I wouldn't have been so eager to leave. I may have spent the afternoon taking a nap in bed if only I had known that would be the last good sleep I would have for some time.After moping for an entire week I was over him and our relationship.

I would be lying if I said that I didn't have the occasional relapse and ache for someone to hold me...but as far as my feelings for him, I didn't and I haven't missed him for a second. The difference with this breakup though is that I wasn't bitter or filled with trepidation about getting back into a relationship. I felt ready to embrace someone to come into my life and begin a relationship that was functional and void of object throwing and name calling. I wasn't into meeting some douche bag at a desperation-filled bar and I certainly didn't have much of a company pier to fish off of so I thought I would take the leap and give Internet dating a try. What could it hurt right? Once you get over the stigma of it all Internet dating isn't so bad. So I made a mental list of all the reasons why Internet dating made sense:

1. Meeting guys the traditional ways i.e. bars, grocery stores (although I think this only applies to romantic comedies), through friends (although my friends lag in this area and have no viable leads) never works out well.

2. I work a lot and need an efficient means to meet someone.

3. People tend to be a little more upfront and honest (or so I've heard) on the Internet.

4. I will be able to get to know someone in a non pressure virtual environment to feel them out before I meet them.

5. What do I have to lose?

Five reasons was all I needed...maybe I was a little worried if I tried to make more reasons I would lose my nerve so without a further thought I jumped right in and made my profile.

In Theatres this Holiday Season

Seriously? Does this not make you want to stare for 2 hours and eat popcorn? Yes Ilya, best movie ever!

You Win Some You Lose Some

Last night was an amazing victory for hope and for this nation. While I do have reservations about Obama's lack of experience I believe that he has the wisdom, the heart and the determination to change the face of this country. And to that effect, we had someone in office for the past 8 years who had a great deal of experience and look where that got us! To say that this election is a moment in history is an understatement. The election is a long time coming tide of change and of hope. My Obama buzz was squelched this afternoon when I heard the news that the local tally's have been counted and Prop 8 passed.

I have driven past the Yes on Prop 8'ers every morning for the past few weeks. Their chanting, their determination of telling others that they are going to hell if they support gay marriage, their intolerance--all of it is stomach turning. "Preserve Traditional Marriage" is their belief. My question is, "What is traditional marriage?" America's divorce rate is more than 50% and last I checked that rate climbs each year. By that statistic traditional marriage is where two people get married, have children and then get divorced. Maybe I am out of line here but traditional marriage doesn't sound like it is working! Why would we want to preserve something that is so flawed anyway. Shouldn't we be focusing on passing something more effective like, "Institute a waiting period and compatibility test for all marriages?" Wouldn't it be better time spent if we focused on what was broken in our society and why most of our marriages are failing in the first place?

To make matters even worse, in Arkansas, a proposition was passed which forbids any unmarried couple the chance to adopt a child. I don't understand the mentality that gay people are incapable of raising a healthy, happy child. The sexual relationship of parents - as long as it is healthy - is of no consequence to the child's well-being. Let's face it no child wants to hear, see or think about their parent's having sex - regardless of whether or not their parents are gay. If I were a child allowed to pick my own parents, I would surely pick a household of acceptance and love over choosing a household solely because it came with a "traditional family". Taking away anyone's ability to adopt a child and provide a them with a loving and safe home is a tragedy.

It is clear that we are on the brink of much needed change in this nation. We have elected a black (half black) president and I can only hope that we continue that tide of change in the years to come. If we continue on this horizon who knows, maybe one day we will live to see the day when we have two first ladies. One can always hope.